Thoughts_Ellanna.html

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She was born some time in the 18th century, and from there, the memories go on and on, eventually exceeding present day. I have no explanation for this, but I can only assume that it means that she somehow had a lifetime about 250 years long. Other clues, such as the fact that she never ages, and that most of my recollections are of nocturnal scenes, together with certain dreams that I have had, lead me to believe that she may have been a vampire. I can't say that I have ever believed in the possibility of immortal vampires, and yet, here the memories are, unwavering, despite what I might want to remember in place of them. It is as Alyra says, "Are these memories of the past or future? The answer is yes." The only thing I can think of, is that perhaps these memories occur in an alternate time stream. I'm reaching, I know, but it's all I have at the moment. :) Also, something about this lifetime has left me with the desire to avoid saying anything about Ellanna which might imply directly that she is a vampire. I'm not sure why this is. I am also left with a sense of sexual propriety which causes my decency to be offended by both incredibly pornographic nudes, and an excess show of blood. Blood drinking, for Ellanna, was one of those hidden functions of life that was best experienced, and never talked about. As this page develops, I may be able to get up the moxy to actually write about the blatantly vampiric aspects of Ellanna's existence, so just bear with me.

In all there were two great loves in her life. Naturally, they were Dunovan (who is Patrick) and The Spaniard (Erik). Both died horribly violent deaths, though I can't actually remember how it happened to Dunovan. The only other men in her life have either taken advantage of her, or tried to. Excuse me if she's bitter.

I have noticed that in my recollections, as well as my dreams, the tense changes between past and present, and the perspective alternates between first and third. I have noticed that frequently, the placed where I say "she" instead of "I" are either in summary, or in places where Ellanna undergoes the most horrible things. It's taking me time to own up to where I've been, and what I've seen.

In writing up recent recollections, I have begin to understand the depth of Ellanna's depravity. She went through 30-40 year cycles of seclusion and near-fame, where she would make a half rise in the music industry, buy obscure volumes of occult lore, get herself a nice little nest egg, fake her own death, then disappear into a dark basement someplace, speaking to no one but her books and her ghost.